There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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