Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
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I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
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Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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