sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
