I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You made out with two different species that night
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
