so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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