If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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