She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
