Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
