i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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