Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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