so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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