Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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