ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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