your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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