take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
