jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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