i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
