I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
