You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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