the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
