We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We have started to decorate penises.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
