I puked a lego.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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