do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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