i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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