I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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