I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
