We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Girls should come with a carfax report
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
