dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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