I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
