I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
