I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
