You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
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