He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
