I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
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Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
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Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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