Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
two words: eviction party
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
