Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
