All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
