U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
