I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
