I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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