i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
