Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
