You made me cry and you don't even care
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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