just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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