If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
