I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
