I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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