In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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