he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
