We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
