don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
