I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
