Whod you bang
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
