not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I didn't notice because vodka
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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