I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
operation have a gay friend backfired
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
