She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
