Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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