Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
