NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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