I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So apparently I’m into choking now
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