No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
