Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
