and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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