I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
