you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
