you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
