I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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