just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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