the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Randomize
