there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
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He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
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My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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