I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
