Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Randomize
