Say something about gay babies.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
