my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
