evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
