am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
