what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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