By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
