did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
