At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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