so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
