I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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