She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
