i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
