Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
