Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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