Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
